It is interesting that you mentioned cloistered life since just last night I dreamt I moved to a house in the mountains that was in walking distance of an abandoned cloister.
But what I would rather address with you is your self impressions. To me you are the one who gets out "there" and does things. I have always marvelled at how many people you know and have chosen to meet over the years. I recall one time having coffee with you and at least six different people came up to say hello to you. You need to give yourself credit for all the things you do and accomplish, it is much more than you think.
I came across an event recently that has had my head spinning with questions. I was in my car at a red light and there was a man at the bus stop. He was probably late forties, and he was dancing. Dancing at the bus stop on a Friday afternoon. He did not have an ipod or audience. At first I thought he must be on drugs (me of little faith), then I tried to think of other reasons that would cause a middle aged slightly chubby man to dance with abandon at a bus stop. It was Friday...was it pay day? Could a paycheck cause such jubilee? Maybe he just felt the urge to dance. And when was the last time I danced? I used to dance in my kitchen with E. He would grab my hand and twirl me, eventually moving in close to a slow dance. it made the kids giggle and me blush. I can even tell you the last time we danced and the song that was playing and that it was just a slow shuffling of our feet while I rested my head on his shoulder due to the fact that E. could barely breathe much less dance.
You dance. Your constant questioning is a dance. You may think of yourself thriving in a cloister, but I know it would not last long. It would only be a matter of time before I would be sitting in my car watching you dance at a bus stop.
G.
