fear

My thoughts on fear. I do believe it is born within us. Fight or flight. Very Darwin of me. Fear is a mixed bag to be sure. Will the world ever come to know peace? Most likely not. Not without some catastrophic occurence worldwide. One that would have to wipe out much of the world's population. But even then I think after time there would once again be wars and atrocities. Very biblical of me.
Through fear there is a clearness. The characters floating around in your life are not the focus of your life. The Sophie fear you experienced must have made your universe shrink down to all that means the most to you, blurring the rest. The key is holding on to that without holding on to the fear that brought it to you.
On my station at work I have a magnet that says, "Do one thing each day that scares you." A client asked me if I follow that. I thought for a moment and said , "Yes, I do." Sometimes it is just getting up in the morning that scares me the most. Often it is simply going somewhere outside my comfort zone.How brave of me.
I am so sorry Miss Sophie was sick and it caused you fear. There must be a way to never take anything for granted without having to feel the blade Damocles sword piercing us.
How philosophical of me.
I am sure we could dance with the topic of fear for years and never really come close to touching it. I can only tell you that I really do not fear the big things, I have already faced that. It is the mundane that gets under my skin and scares me the most.

labyrinth 2

I have walked that labyrinth as well, many times. What did I ask for? so many things, now they hardly seem to matter or mattered mightily and passed from awareness with the blase acceptance that we humans reserve for answered prayers. Sophie was very ill the past week with a fever peaking at 105.5 at times, and trips back and forth the various emergency medical clinics and the ER, and something infected my soul with a sickness from which I have not recovered, although she is well now. I wrote a friend tonight that the consumption of our society was sickening me. Is it that? Is it only that? People loom in and out of my vision like Fellini characters, distorted and macabre.

Will people stop blowing one another up and ruining the world for a few extra pennies? Doubtful. Are things as bad as they seem, or is my lens clouded with fear?

Sophie said the other day: Fear is a part of life.

I said: Who told you that?

She said: I just figured it out.

Maybe fear is not a part of life--maybe I have infected her with that.

Labryrinth

My Friend,
Having just returned from New York where walking is the main form of transportation I felt the need to continue walking here. There is a church near where I work that has a labyrinth behind it. I walked it a few times years ago, but always with kids in tow and more for their entertainment than anything else.
I paused before entering, read the pamphlet on the history and "rules" of walking a labyrinth. There are no rules. It did however suggest that you may want to enter with a question to bring to God. Being obsessive compulsive I chose a phrase I could just repeat over and over. "Help me with my emotional and physical journey".
My intentions may have been pure at the start, they did not stay thay way for very long. My walk went a little something like this:
"Help me with my emotional and physical journey, help me with my emotional...if I walk a little faster I will burn more calories..and physical journey. Help me with my emotional and physical journey help....this place really needs to be weeded I can barely see the rocks..journey..help me...that guy over there at the apartment probably thinks there is a crazy woman walkling in circles over here..where was I? oh right, help me with my emotional and physical journey, I am actually sweating this is great. I could do this every morning before work. It would be a nice way to start the day. Oops, forgot again. help me with my emotional and spiritual journey, help me with my emotional and spiritual journey. Wait. Am I saying spiritual? I was not thinking that. I was thinking physical. Hello, wanting to lose weight here. Ohhhh, maybe I am supposed to be thinking spiritual. Hmmm. maybe next time. Help me with my emotional and PHYSICAL did you hear that? I said physical journey. help me with my...am I almost done? This is sort of boring. help me decide what to have for dinner. Ahha! I made it to the middle at last!
Thank you Universe. Okay I promise to be better on the way out and stay focused but I am going to go at a quicker pace.
"The trip out was a little bit more focused. It was a work out. More of a battle really. Physically and spiritually.